


Three Months

by stupidinspaces



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-24 08:02:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20702618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupidinspaces/pseuds/stupidinspaces
Summary: Falling out of love in three months may be Eunwoo’s most ambitious project yet.- Rated T for some suggestive language -





	Three Months

**Author's Note:**

> All events are fictional. Timeline does not follow the band’s/members’ actual schedules.

The distance hurts Bin, he could see that. Eunwoo could see it in the small confused glance that Bin tried to hide whenever Eunwoo sat next to Rocky or Jinjin-hyung instead, the downturn of Bin’s mouth when he cuddled with MJ-hyung or Sanha. It has been a week since they last shared a hug, and they barely touch out of camera view nowadays. But it’s for the best, Eunwoo had concluded this four months ago, to put some distance between them.

Since realizing his feelings a year ago, it has felt deceitful, the premise for accepting Bin’s affections. All of the members had started training at a young age and they all grew up clingy as a result, but Bin gives more of himself than the others. Eunwoo isn’t sure if Bin would have been as generous with his concern, his affection, his body, if he knew how Eunwoo felt. If he would still walk around casually with his shirt off, or kiss Eunwoo on the cheek, or hold hands with him. 

And sometimes, instead of soothing the pain, it makes it worse: the eye contact, the lingering touches. Bin gives the best massages and it makes him wonder, sometimes, at the warmth of Bin’s hands, his readiness to help. 

But it doesn’t help to speculate, Bin is overly affectionate with everyone he likes. He could see it in the way Bin also falls freely into the other members’ touch. Eunwoo is just lucky to get so much even compared to the others because he and Bin were same-age friends, and then best friends and roommates. 

It scares him, how greedy he is. How happy it makes him whenever Bin chooses him to be with whenever they get hypothetical questions in interviews; he receives so much of Bin’s love, and is still never satisfied until he gets more.

He will always remember the shuttered look on Bin’s face the first time he chose to room with someone else, during their second travel to San Francisco three months ago at the start of their mini World Tour. He will always remember the way he hurt his friend. It wasn’t lost on him, the significance of that city. He’d been thinking about it ever since their manager announced the trip, kept reminiscing of the time he and Bin had gone off together to film their trip to Alcatraz. It was hard not to think of it even if he wanted to forget when Bin kept shooting him expectant and sentimental smiles as soon as they were handed the plane tickets. As soon as Eunwoo said a different name than Bin when Jinjin-hyung gave him the choice of roommate, he could feel the other members’ silence, feeling they realized at the same time he did that he and Bin had never voluntarily roomed with someone else before. 

"Sanha-ya, we have to practice our English," he’d said, to cover up the awkwardness he’d felt. Sanha had just smiled, nodded, for all outward appearances excited to room with him.

It was Rocky who had diffused the tension with, "Then I want to room with Bin-hyung!" and an intense, exaggerated smile that drew out laughs from everyone. 

Eunwoo laughed too, out of relief, as Bin smiled and high-fived Rocky, saying he could only room with him if he got the bed closest to the window. 

Rocky protested that he wanted that bed and Bin put him in a headlock, saying, "You gonna challenge your elder?"

MJ-hyung and Jinjin-hyung were more than happy to room together, and the group made their way to the elevator without much fanfare. Eunwoo didn’t know if Bin shot him stereotypical hurt looks after that, he couldn’t bring himself to look. 

He didn’t think it was just his imagination, but he and Bin kept to each their own after that, the rest of the group filling in the empty spaces. Eunwoo felt a degree of guilt for that, wondering if he should have kept to custom and chosen Bin, kept the awkwardness to himself instead of allowing it to spread. He could tell that Jinjin-hyung knew there was something wrong in that eerie, perceptive way he’d been able to ever since they’d been roommates for the Asia Project. 

Eunwoo prepared for the inevitable confrontation from Jin-hyung, had already typed up a reply in his cellphone notes. 

He didn’t expect Rocky to be the first to confront him instead. 

They had just finished their last concert for the world tour in Seoul and decided to find a small, discreet bar to mark another successful tour. They found one in a small pocket of the city, where there were only a few elderly patrons; it was a perfect find in the middle of a Friday night. 

"We make everything cool," MJ-hyung had claimed when Sanha whispered the place could have stood to look more lively. 

Hours later, Eunwoo was nursing his glass in the dim light, glad for the decision to restrain himself from drinking more as Bin’s exposed collar was becoming way too tempting already at two shots and three sakes. 

It was after Bin’s fourth karaoke song in a row, Eunwoo wondering at his contentment at doing nothing but sit there and listen to his friend’s husky voice before he reminded himself, _distance._ Which could be found with Jin-hyung, who had wandered off in his melancholy as he usually did when drunk. He decided to head to the toilet first before planning on trying to find where Jinjin had wandered off to, wanting to be anywhere else to escape where Bin’s neck and shoulder met. 

On his way out, he was met with Rocky leaning against the adjacent wall. In the background, MJ-hyung had joined Bin in a duet sung at the top of their lungs while Sanha filmed them, face more likely red from embarassment than the alcohol. 

"Hey, Rocky, you okay?" Eunwoo said, putting a hand on Rocky’s shoulder. Eunwoo was admittedly the most impatient with Rocky of all the members, tolerating his sense of humor and questions the least. Yet in that moment, he wanted to cradle his friend in a hug, heart softening at the displayed vulnerability when Rocky had his eyes closed and mouth in a slight pout. 

Rocky was always perceptive, even though he sometimes acted like he was in a world of his own. And Rocky was fiercely protective, of all of them. He should have, but didn’t, expect Rocky’s blunt, "Stop hurting Bin-hyung."

It was said softly, in spite of the accusation, and Eunwoo had to make sure he heard correctly before he let his blood pressure spike like it was already starting to do on its own. "Excuse me?"

"You and Bin-hyung always loved each other. Now you’re avoiding each other and being weird. It’s hurting Bin-hyung, so you guys should stop."

"Ah, I didn’t know we have been, I’ll make sure to rectify that."

Rocky scrunched his face up and if Eunwoo was any less panicked, he would have laughed at the visible strain on Rocky’s face. He filed a mental note to do that more often, use that type of word on a drunk person. 

"You’re not a good liar, hyung," Rocky said and Eunwoo bowed his head in acknowledgement; he could never resent a true statement. He liked to think he’d learned a lot from the dramas and movies he’d been in, but in that moment he felt as out of place in his body as his character Yunwoo did when acting. 

He watched Rocky go over to the others, face looking like he wanted to punch somebody, something MJ-hyung and Bin laughed their heads off at until Rocky cracked a smile. It was a scene that tugged at his heart strings for how familiar it was: Sanha acting like he was older than them, playing a game on his phone with a put-upon sigh while his hyungs were laughing and running around the place. He watched the scene with a heart seized twice its size until Bin looked up and met his eyes, making a second last longer than a second. 

Everyone had basically crawled into bed straight after the party; Bin had already fallen asleep in the car, lashes fanned out across his cheeks. Eunwoo and Jin-hyung had carried him out the van and tucked him into bed, Eunwoo supporting his neck against his collar. The next day, most members had gone off to nurse their hangovers outside the dorms, Eunwoo taking the rare opportunity to be by himself and make a phone call to his brother. 

He thought the incident with Rocky would stay vividly only in his own memory, but Bin always, always found a way to prove him wrong. 

Something he did again the night after when he asked, "What did Rocky tell you?"

He’d walked into the shared bathroom while Eunwoo was brushing his teeth, a put-upon false bravado, with an exaggerated swagger and brusque tone, dumping his toiletteries on the counter carelessly. 

"You’re hurting Bin-hyung," Eunwoo could hear, in the back of his head, Rocky having become his voice of conscience. 

"Rocky says a lot of things," he said, and heard the forced casual delivery in his own voice. 

"The other night at the bar, I saw you two talking outside the men’s room." Bin started removing his makeup, his movements a fascinating blend of carelessness and delicateness as always, avoiding Eunwoo’s eyes in the mirror. 

Eunwoo just kept on brushing his teeth, a little pointedly, taking his time to think - of a lie. He knew he shouldn’t have taken his time getting ready for bed. He knew Bin would know that would be the best time to corner him. Not only for the small space in the shared bathroom, the small window of privacy...

But as a sentimental guy, he was weak for soft moments like that: the domesticity of Bin removing his makeup, exposing all his perfect imperfections that made him so likeable, at the same time so accepting of Eunwoo’s own flaws - how the makeup remover had left him oily and bloated, and how he could do things in front of Bin he never would in front of fans, in front of a camera. 

He spit out the toothpaste. "Ah, I didn’t understand much of what he said, he was really drunk."

"Ah," Bin said, taking out his own toothbrush from the medicine cabinet. 

He could hear it, how Bin didn’t believe him, but he also knew that Bin was not going to challenge him on that. 

It was awkward, being alone with Bin in an enclosed space, as awkward as he feared it would be, making him self-conscious of every movement he made. He wanted to leave, but... he still had to wash his face. They hadn’t officially fought, right? Eunwoo could at least still talk to him. 

"The other night, on stage," he said, "you were really cool."

Ah, anything but that, he thought, scolding himself. But then saw the surprised look on Bin’s face. 

"Thanks," Bin said, smiling softly. 

"Yeah, sure," he said, grasping at anything else to say that was unrelated, not even registering if he was successful, drying his face quickly and then running off with a tossed, "Goodnight, sleep well," over his shoulder.

He padded down to his room, where he was rooming alone. He remembered how devastated he was when he’d lost the chance to room with Bin at the ladder game, but at that moment he was grateful that he had a room to his own, that he had a small refuge from the awkwardness. Though lately it had been an echo chamber of his tortured thoughts and feelings, making him keenly aware that it was his problem, that he was the cause of it. 

He was almost home free, hand already on the doorknob, when he heard a hissed, "Eunwoo-ya!"

Jinjin-hyung, he realized, nerves calming. 

He walked over to the couch from where Jin-hyung was waving him over, Jin-hyung’s newly dyed silver hair shining in the dimmed light of the living room. 

"Check out the reaction to our new video," Jin-hyung said, tilting the laptop to show him the latest Sanha-edited video uploaded on the official Astro youtube page. It was from a few days ago, of Astro goofing off at a restaurant.

He hadn’t seen it, had tried not to watch videos of the group lately, because he couldn’t bear to look at his recent interactions with Bin. Or lack of interaction, rather. And he’d tried, after being confronted with the first video evidence, tried to stay professional whenever he and Bin were in front of a camera but professional was a cold, stark difference to the warmth they had shared before; he could see it plain as day in their videos.

"6 hours ago... Wow, already 486 thousand views?" 

Jin-hyung smiled and Eunwoo smiled in return. He couldn’t help it when Jin-hyung’s smile was soft and proud and satisfied. "I’m really excited about our upcoming comeback, this is the best time for it. I don’t want to jinx us, but... I have really high hopes for the reception of this album."

Eunwoo nodded, sharing his sentiments. Between traveling and filming and promoting, he was exhausted, but it was worth it. He knew that his group was talented and he sincerely believed they could make it to number one; as big as the top idol groups, bigger. Their next album could take them there. Rocky’s contributions to the choreography were solid, Jin-hyung’s lyrics were heartwarming, and Moonbin... 

Eunwoo was aware, painfully, that he was sorely lacking in singing and dancing skills compared to the others. It didn’t help that he was prevented from practicing as much as the others due to his film schedules, photoshoots, own aspirations to master English and Japanese, and the Asia fan meetings planned the next few months... but he knew their group could be the best despite his lack in skills. In a way, he always pushed himself to be a better actor and ambassador for Astro, to feel like he earned his place in this talented group... 

His bandmates deserved nothing but his full efforts: Jinjin-hyung with his attention to details and professional, attentive care to his teammates; MJ-hyung’s stunning voice and bright personality; Rocky’s world-class dancing and choreography; Sanha’s overall talent and boyish confidence; and Moonbin - Binnie’s voice, dance, charisma, presence, everything. He shone on stage, he stood out even among their group, among anyone. 

Eunwoo didn’t think it was his bias talking but an objective observation that Binnie, more than anybody in the industry, deserved the spotlight, center stage. 

"I just hope that everything goes well with promoting this album... That nothing stands in the way of our schedules, budget, teamwork..." Jin-hyung said, scrolling down the thousands of comments. 

There were a lot of different comments, from different countries, in different languages; excitement expressed in every one of them. Yet, he could only really register that every fifth of the comments mentioned him and Bin together, and every tenth mentioned how they seemed to be tense in the video, wondering what happened to 'Binu'? 

Jin-hyung didn’t say anything about those comments, just laughed at some of the more outrageous ones, giggled at some of the lewd ones, and pointed at the more straightforward ones like, "if only Rocky was my classmate, I would be more motivated to go to school every day."

Eunwoo laughed along, followed Jin-hyung’s lead in not mentioning the comments about him and Bin, even though the speculations were so prominent Jin-hyung surely noticed them as well. Jin-hyung was very perceptive, and he hated, hated how Jin-hyung sometimes communicated. It was underhanded to show him how fans had noticed his self-imposed exile from Binu, and how it could potentially affect their immediate success. 

And he hated himself, his brain, for analyzing the situation like that. Sometimes he should just take things at face value and accept that Jin-hyung was just showing him an Astro video. His self-imposed distance was evident to anybody, and it wasn’t anybody’s fault for noticing. 

With a sigh, Jin-hyung locked the screen, placed a hand on Eunwoo’s shoulder. "Are you getting enough sleep? The company is pushing you too hard... Go on, you should go to bed."

Eunwoo forced a smile. "It’s not something I wouldn’t have signed up for anyway."

Jin-hyung shook his head with a wry smile, then his eyes flickered to the side and Eunwoo followed the movement. Bin was standing in front of the mirror in the hallway, towelling his wet hair, but his body was clearly angled towards them. 

Eunwoo would have to pass him to get to his room. 

"Sleep," Jin-hyung said, eyebrows raised like he did when he was trying to be assertive. 

"Right, well then..." Eunwoo said, stretching- preparing, really, for the moment he would have to pass by Bin in the hallway. 

He started walking, aware of how Bin was resolutely staring at the mirror, but right when Eunwoo passed he turned and said, with his characteristic curl of tone, "Goodnight, Eunwoo. Sleep well."

He was startled into looking Moonbin in the eyes, throat clenching unexpectedly, "You too." 

He closed the door behind him, feeling the bareness of his bedroom. In the empty silence, he couldn’t deny it, he sorely missed his friend. 

And Jin-hyung was right, whether or not he meant to warn Eunwoo. Their upcoming album could be their real big break, the one to break them into the top five bands, making history for their company, for themselves. The tension between him and Bin could jeopardize that.

Eunwoo would have to find a way to get over his situation, his feelings. 

He crawled under the covers, tried to approach the predicament analytically. Their schedules for the next few months consisted of final recordings, fan meetings, practice, promotions... 

Three months, he decided, in three months all of his fan meetings and the preparations for their new album would be done; the promotions would start in earnest and just the perfect timing, it would be right before Binnie’s birthday. 

Three months to get himself back to the way things were, when his feelings for Bin didn’t extend to more than friendship. 

He could definitely get it done in three months.


End file.
